Feelings - Call Them To your Arms

Feelings-Call them to your arms

By Ann Barton

“Embracing that hurt you feel turns to joy. Call it to your arms so it can change.”-Rumi

Presence brings inner peace. Whatever I am feeling, fear, anger, grief, even jealously or hatred will call up a feeling of inner peace when I can be present with these feelings. When I embrace them, accept them, even love them I then feel an emotional alchemy. These feelings transmute into joy, acceptance and peace.

I am reminded of the first time I was aware of this alchemy. My cousin was 5 and I was babysitting him. I was 21 and a new psychology student. He got very mad at me over something I felt bad about. I decided to try and talk with him about it, but before I could even get the words out of my mouth he was laughing and ready to play chase with me. I was astounded by how quickly he got over his anger, almost as if it never happened. Young children do this all the time, because they feel, express it and move on.

I had an experience of this the other day. I was on the phone trying to make an appointment with my doctor’s receptionist. She was not listening to me. I said what I wanted again and again. She just kept telling me that what I was asking for was impossible. I got more and frustrated and began to be rude and angry towards her. I stopped myself in mid–sentence when I realized how reactive I was being. So I said I would call her back later. I got off the phone and sat there feeling this anger flowing through my body, through my veins like blood. It was actually quite invigorating and felt like life force itself filling me up with a lively energy.

I began to enjoy the experience I was feeling and was able to ask myself why I had been so reactive with this woman. I then had a memory of trying to tell my mother something and she just wouldn’t listen and I realized how much I yearn to be heard and listened to. It wasn’t about getting my way; I just wanted to be acknowledged for my request.

I was then able to call her back and apologize for my rudeness. I told her about my frustration. At that point, she understood my request. I felt a deeper understanding and compassion for myself and my deep desire to be heard.

This experience brought me a feeling of inner peace because I embraced my feeling of anger. It also brought me closer to the woman on the phone and I imagine she felt a sense of inner peace as well.

Another story comes to mind. A friend of mine was studying with a spiritual teacher and he asked one of the monks whether the teacher ever has challenging feelings like he has. Or if when one is enlightened they don’t have these feelings anymore. The monk smiled and said that yes the teacher had all the feelings that all humans have, he just moves through them more quickly.

I think what this meant is that he is so present with whatever emerges out of his psyche, he immediately embraces the feelings, bringing his presence to the experience. It gets heard. The experience is allowed to complete, as it did with my five-year old cousin – angry one moment, joyful the next.

In my practice I see this happen every time a client has the courage to allow their feelings full expression. It really is emotional alchemy. “Feelin’ it, is Healin’ it”

I invite you to-“Call it to your arms so it can change”

Tip o' Day 1-16-10

Quick, easy way to flush your mental cooties -- write them in an email and address it to thedevil@hell.com or neverneverland@lettinggo.net, then close your eyes and press send, listening to that delicious "whoosh" sound (you have to have a Mac to hear it), but if you're on PC, just make the whooshing sound yourself.

"Avatar" and the Male Dominator Archetype

The movie Avatar. It has been working deep inside me like dreams do. I have been living with it, allowing it to affect me, to move me. I was depressed by the white male stereotype of murder for profit. This archtype is deeply ingrained in our culture. History shows it hasn't changed much.. We are still using the preditor archtype to kill the preditor archtype to create peace.

I just read the Plato quote, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I think the power of this movie is to think of it like a dream, as all the parts are parts of our psyches. As we would say in our dream group, “If this were my dream…”

And if this were my dream, I see the Colonel as my inner predator; the part of my psyche that thinks the only way to deal with fear is to kill off that which I am afraid of. For instance my vulnerable feelings, my empathy, my grief, my sensitivity, my hurt feelings, my powerlessness, and my ignorance, even my anger. Anything that doesn’t fit the status quo, doesn’t fit what my parents, the culture says is ok.

And yet this is where the healing is, to own and integrate these feelings, to honor them. How can we feel empathy if we are cut off from our own feelings? We can’t.

We can’t feel ourselves, we can’t feel others, even our loved ones, and we can’t feel the earth and all the life she supports.

Socrates also said, “Know thyself”. I think he meant to bring all of who we think we are to consciousness so we can see who we truly are. So that we can “know” our authentic nature. Like they say in the movie, “I see you”. To truly “see” ourselves.

We must first bring forth all of who we aren’t. By this I mean the mistaken beliefs that our inner predator tells us. Like “we are stupid”, “useless”, unworthy” or simply, “never good enough”, etc. This list could go on and on.

The importance of unveiling the inner predator’s voice is to recognize the deeper voice, which is one of fear. Fear that we won’t survive if we do not live within the status quo. And to understand that this voice is a wounded voice. Wounded because it is the part of us that was told, “not to cry”, have a “stiff upper lip”, “you’re too emotional”, “hide your feelings” etc..

We must learn to be kind to ourselves and to others, as we are all on this mythic journey towards healing. In order to heal we must integrate our feelings, our many voices, because this also is a mistaken belief, that we are anything other than ONE.

There is no part that needs to be killed or gotten rid of, just understood and loved.

I recognize myself in the Marine Boss. The part of me that is cut off from the earth, from the Mother. I am he when I am afraid there won’t be enough money, or just enough of anything, I am he when I hate myself because I am vulnerable or have made a mistake or have eaten foods that aren’t that healthy and in turn I am he when I don’t take care of myself and tell myself it doesn’t matter, that I don’t matter. I am he when I feel angry that I can’t control my world, my kids or the President of the US.

I am he when I drive my car, walk on cement, or get take-out in plastic. I am he because I too am “fighting a hard battle”. The battle to “know thyself”, the battle to “feel”, the battle to grieve and the battle to forgive and the battle to heal.

This Marine that I am is above all frightened that the great mother, the divine, won’t be there for him, won’t love him, won’t nurture him and that he will always be cut off from love, love of self and love of other. He is angry because of this mistaken belief. This belief of separateness.

He must “morph “ into an Avatar. My inner Marine needs my wise feminine to be patient with me and teach me to listen, to feel, to understand and even to fight the true battle. The battle towards wholeness and the willingness to be drawn into the mystery, the mystery of the feminine.

When I was up on the mountain last summer questing. I felt Her, I knew Her, the message was loud and clear, “I am with you, have always been with you, and will always be with you, for you are me and I am you”. And that was the beauty and power of the movie Avatar. This message was clear and inspiring.

We must learn to walk on the earth and “see” her light up with our presence. Learn to draw in those parts of ourselves that we want to reject. Learn to “feel” nature, the oneness that we are. After all, we are all Avatars.